NEWSPAPER
Confusion reigned during the early morning hours at a meat processing facility in the heart of Longmont yesterday morning. Long the speculation of rumors and debate, it wasn’t uncommon for residents to have their own theories regarding the operations of this business. The calls to police ranged from informative, to suspicious, to deranged. “In the last few months, we’ve been inundated,” stated Chief of Police Keith Cunningham following the early morning investigation. “Folks have been calling and visiting the station convinced their pets and loved ones have ended up at Longmont Foods. We thought it preposterous. Why, my family and I enjoy their products during our neighborhood barbecues.”
“The call we received last night convinced us to come down.” The call in question was placed by one Myrtle Parks, a resident who lives near the facility. According to officers, she was quite distraught and screams could be heardin the background.
“Can’t you hear it? …[inaudible] this racket has been going on for the last fifteen minutes! I think they’re killin’ people in there! Please please get someone out here!”
Police officers rallied at dawn to visit the meat processing building. “It was the strangest thing,” Chief Cunningham continued. “Normally you can knock at the door and Walter will be there with a smile on his face to sell you all kinds of things. But it was completely empty, I tell you. The whole place. Not a soul in the building.”
Heck, we couldn’t find a trace of anything that indicated the building had even been in use! No blood, bone, or a single drumstick!” This shocking revelation only raises more questions and police have opened an ongoing investigation. Walter and his staff are well loved members of the Longmont community and the residents are disturbed by their sudden disappearance. “I’d hate to think anything happened to them”, said Lloyd Burke, a Longmont native. “They’re good people. Little strange, but good people. Sure will miss their turkey at Thanksgiving though. It’s become a tradition for our family.